harpers

you know you love it ~
i suppose i shouldn't be surprised, but i didn't know this insurance product existed...

Over 500 victims of clergy sexual abuse settled their claims with the Archdiocese of Los Angeles for $660 million; the Archdiocese is expected to sell up to 50 church properties to raise funds, as many of the cases date from periods when it had little or no sexual-abuse insurance.

in other news, spiral jetty.

a couple of vids for you

this one, from slovamskey:


and this awesome thriller video. maybe i'm late to the party on both, but damn funny:

yes. it's that time

to my friend, Este (who stubbornly refuses to write):

[stolen from harpers]

and in England, gingerists, or people with a bias against red hair, were subjecting the auburn-headed to slurs like “you ginger bastard” or “you right ginger whinger.” The Internet's storehouse of wisdom, information, and pornographic images was determined to weigh 0.2 millionths of an ounce.

Also, if you can't find me this week, there is a really good reason.

Salmo yeehaw!

finally, maybe i should be watching this show (thanks peebs):
Bubbles: Do you want to see a rocket go, Randy?
Randy: Does it really launch, Bubbles?
Bubbles: [rhetorically] Does it really launch? Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?

[Ricky goes over the department store's public address system]
Ricky: Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck-off department. Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck-off department and hurry the fuck up!

P.S. - This just IN ~

headphones

wear yo headphones. now press here.
see?
stereophonic, bitches.
i whisper you the code.

in otehr news; an open letter to:
Americas Test Kitchen -
How can you do this to me?
How is it that you send me weekly email to join your 'sister' site, and hide the recipes that i paid good money for behind the sister site and then ask me to pay, again, for the use of these recipes?
is it because you believe somehow i give a shit about a 'free microplane grater'? the answer to that question, and many other unrelated questions, is NO.

In final-ment, some harpers -

Jerry Falwell died. "Dr. Falwell," said
Senator John McCain, "was a man of distinguished
accomplishment."

remember that in '08.

get yo harpers on (Or Works to Worse)

Ya'll remember when Ralph Nader ran for president? I'm paraphrasing
here, but he mentioned that in order for the political system and
the nation in general to become something that actually works, "it
would have to get a lot worse before it gets better".

You think this is what he meant (via harpers):

The Republican candidates for the presidency debated at the
Ronald Reagan Library in California. 
* - Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas said that the day Roe v.
Wade was repealed would be "a glorious day of human liberty
and freedom" and that the current tax system "ought to be
taken behind a barn and killed with a dull ax"; 
* - Senator John McCain of Arizona claimed that he would
"follow [Osama bin Laden ] to the gates of hell"; 
* - Texas Congressman Ron Paul said that not going to war in
Iraq would have been "conservative," because "it's a
Republican, it's pro-American, it follows the Founding Fathers.
And besides, it  follows the Constitution." 
* - California Congressman Duncan Hunter took responsibility
for the border fence in San Diego. "It's a double fence," he said.
"It's not that little straggly fence you see on CNN  with
everybody getting over it." 
* - "No one on this stage," said former Arkansas governor Mike
Huckabee, "probably knows Hillary Clinton better than I do,"
to which former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani replied:
"Oh my!" 

Collectively, the candidates invoked Reagan's name nearly 20
times. It was announced that Reagan's diaries would be published. 

"Getting shot," he wrote in 1981, "hurts."

damn you Beck

damn you and your new album, and your damn good song, which has been playing constantly up in my grill.
your damn puppets, too.

taking Amtrak to Nigeria

You say Take the train?

You ever sit around your apartment, and think of taking the train to go see your friend in LA, or Portland? Well, there is a problem. Amtrak's California service is a freaking joke.

The problem is more than just here in the west, the entire system is being manipulated in all sorts of ways. This guy here is advocating privatization, which I am not sure about, but do agree that by hiring lobbyists the public would finally hear something about the problem.

In other news, let's all take the Amtrak to Nigeria! Here are the conductors! Yippeee!

In other other news, Hey Este, let's "Get Happy"....

who hearts Harpers?

in Baghdad, a U.S. congressional delegation outfitted with bulletproof vests, flanked by 100 soldiers in armored Humvees, and watched over by attack helicopters, visited a local bazaar to demonstrate the success of the current security plan. It was, said Representative Mike Pence (R., Ind.), just like an "outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime."

Actual Outdoor market in Indiana:




Are those gunships? 
Oh. 
No, those are trees.





RNC hopeful John McCain at the
so called "Indiana like market":

Time Ghost, the best bar in the citay

this point is not open to debate (p.s. - FOAD Yelp).

Zeitgeist, hands down, is the best bar in the city.

BUT, I was there last night, and I have disturbing news to report...

I ordered a cheee-burger and they asked me for my name (standard fare) and then -

the guy asked me for my cell phone number.

After I recovered (and thank you kind housewife who beat me with a 2x4 until I came to my senses [and why are both the pictures I used {found} of women being electrocuted? WEIRD!]) :














Anyway, when they called me (on my phone) to tell me my chee-burger was ready, I discussed the "new technique" of being called to pick up your food.

I told the gentleman [for he had recently thrown a woman outta the bar after catching her attempting to "steal" my food, a true gentleman] that I thought the new procedure was weird.

He replied, "It works, right?"
I said yes.
I said "It still feels weird".
He replied, again, "But it works, right?"

This case is NOT closed.

MORE - maybe they are gonna move to this? Dammit I'm proud of me!

not so thin lizzie

you ever google yourself?
just trying to follow some advice, and i ran across a sweet gem from a former job.

That is some sweet example of my writing skilz. I musta been hungover and listening to the supersuckers. thanks eddie.

i love harpers

Ya'll read Harpers Weekly?

one of my favorite weekly reading email deliveries; and then this little meanie showed up in my inbox:

The statement "In New York City, someone stole the penis of a
chocolate Jesus" is not true; the source was a satire website that was
mistakenly thought to be a genuine news source. Harper's Weekly
apologizes for the error.

How can you make that up? just terrific Harper's. Good job! I haven't laughed harder yet today. You have won a small pittance of a gift, which I'll keep in my front coin pocket on my jeans.

EXTRA MORE:
I just ran across these fine gems. I know ya'll enjoy 'em.

SUPER EXTRA MORE: HERE

my f(r)iend Lex

Joel (aka Lexington O. Lexington) is choosing to move to a new home uppin PDX land...as sad as this is to take, I can understand and some of those people I read (here come the shout outs) are all talking about how hard it is to live here in SF.

Sheesh, everybody knows the dice are loaded. it's hard to be a pimp out here.

anyway, i'll be celebrating the Joel Festivus at Zeitgeist on 3/31 at Noon or so. Come by and hoist one for our buddy Lex.

i got sealab-ed

my friend, zesty, sealab-ed me.
what is getting "Sealab-ed" you may ask?

lookie here.

ya see, sometime, in some bar, somewhere Esteban, Ian and I may have been consuming mass quantities. and we came up with the nickname 'Alan'. for everyone. I was Alan, Este was Alan, Ian was Alan, the bartender was Alan. It was a funny moment. the joke continues to this day...

Anyway, here is the inspiration behind my sealabbery:

everybody's got one!

Asshole list!

Also, i took a new job at a non profit in Berkeley. but enough about that.

i walk around an awful lot (aspect of the job, and i like that) between the different spaces the organization occupies. and I walk on city streets, in downtown Berkeley. which is usually pretty interesting.
A little background - I have mixed feelings about handing out money on the street to homeless peeps (I don't think I am alone on this). Usually I am more open to giving if said street type personage is doing something to earn money, like juggling or singing (entertaining). Maybe this makes me an asshole, but not like that list above.

SIDEBAR, ATTACK! Hell, the juggling guy was really good. He got tips from me every time I went by. And he would buy things to juggle with the money he made juggling. Reinvestment capital! Beeeutiful! American-ski dream! I wonder how his accountant handled that deduction...?

So there is this street musician playing what i think is Erhu. But this street musician is playing poorly. Real bad. It doesn't take much, I suppose, for my western ears to not know what is close to good Erhu, like i would know close to good guitar, for instance.

Here is what it should sound like.

Anyway, i don't know what to tell you, other than i now walk around the block to the other location.

Also, i was talking to my friend on my cell phone outside on the curb the other night, when a person of homeless persuasion approached me and insisted upon interrupting me. After a while i relented, and asked him what he wanted. "2 Dollars! Give me two dollars!" I declined this less than gracious technique, and he muttered "Feck you!" at me. I must confess, the conversation didn't become an open and honest dialog after that line. I fear he and I may never speak again.

buying a car - best quotes

been a while since last post - blah blah...

Anyway, bought a new car (new to us) the other day, been in the hunt since early December, got a few favorite memorable quotes/stories/songs that became to funny not to share with ya'll. The car we bought is at the bottom.

Back story -
We were interested in the (oh so popular) sport wagons. Our 1990 Camry was slowing dying, and we had recently been presented a bill to get her back to normal that was 2 to 3 times her value. Time to head to the dealerships. A recap of our conversations below.

SG = Sales Guy
US = Duh.

The Mitsubishi (or, "Gimpin in the rain")
So we went to drive the Lancer, as I have had a lot of fun watching Evo's tearing up courses throughout the southwestern US. I thought "I bet they are putting some of that great EVO technology into the base Lancer." This was an incorrect assumption. Drove 'meh'. Like that rental you get and say, "well, its a rental" with a disappointing sigh. I'm getting ahead of myself.
We get to the dealership, and no one is there. we are wandering around the showroom, upstairs, looking in all the offices which are abandoned. 5 minutes after we walk in there a guy with a broken umbrella and a rain soaked jacket opens the door, and yells "Is somebody in here?"
I'm ask him "You got any Lancers here in the showroom, here?" He answers, "No" after pointedly looking around at the 3 cars in there, and says "They're all outside". Where it is raining. I became salty at this point, and say, "Well, would you go and look at what you have out there?". He goes. He's dragging his foot. In the rain. You might call it a gimpy leg/foot. It's raining. He is officially Gimpin' in the rain. Cue Gene.

Later - after driving the unimpressive Lancer we get this gem:
SG: So, what is it gonna take to get you into this car today?
US: (Dumbfounded, moment of silence) Wow, you actually said it!

And yet later, after driving the Dodge Caliber (which I liked, but the Doc said she didn't like the admittedly enormous dashboard) we got it again:
SG: So, what is it gonna take to get you into this car today?
US: (Less dumbfounded, still, a moment of silence) Still a good line!

The Honda -
Sadly, not a very quote worthy fella. The Doc says this was her favorite salesman. Too bad he didn't have a car we wanted to buy.

SG: Hi, I'm a nice guy.

The Toyota (also known as the winner) -
1st dealership

US: Here's our (lowball) offer.
SG: No.
US: Ok, thanks. We'll be leaving (make like walkin')
SG: Bye.
US: Oh...(start real walking)

2nd Toyota dealership

US: What do you drive?
SG: Actually, I drive a Sienna.
US: Oh, do you like it?
SG: No, it sucks. I got a big family, tho.
(Note - this conversation happened directly after i put the car in 6th gear thruff the Macarthur Tunnel under the Presidio)
Later, after we lowballed the 2nd dealer-
SG: Ok, well I'll get my kneepads out to go and beg my boss.

The Mazda (or we didn't make it to the Mazda dealership) - short story.

Finally, the winner - (this is the closest approximation i could get to what ours looks like)

two things

why one should stick with their own country.
&
duh - maybe the switch to green energy is a smart idea, huh?

beer-o-diversity

I loves it...A big beer gut of an article about beer and the modern world.

Review to follow, mayhaps!

2 Jackasses (or is it 3?)

During a debate with his Democratic rival, Senator Conrad Burns of Montana said that President Bush (who this week compared Iraq to Vietnam) has a secret plan for winning the war, but that Bush is not going to share his plan with the world. White House press secretary Tony Snow compared the President to "one of those guys at the gym who plays about 40 chessboards at once."

~via Harpers Weekly

moments of huh?

I was in a local branch of Billy Bob's Big-Assed Bank recently, and they had some music playing in there.
I always find it interesting to listen to the music that's playing at an establishment. Sometimes it's very complementary music to the industry (WISH), and much more frequently, as in this case, it's a bizarre and "huh?" experience.

So I'm waiting in line, and listening to Gnarls Barkley's song 'crazy'.
Granted, it is a tough song to decipher with the speed of the lyrics, but a rough translation is something like this:

I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase
Even your emotions had an echo
And so much space
Hmm mmmm
And when you're out there
Without care
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Mmm

I'll remind you that I was at Bank of America. I refer you to a song from my childhood:

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!

Yeah. I think i might go over to Vox. Lyrics are nice and all, but i think i want to post up songs and vids.

Ketchup, Blogger, Ketchup!

i really like radiohead.

I've seen them a few times, including once in a pub in oxford (if my memory serves [usually it won't serve me {sometimes we quarrel}] right) in early 1991.

So i bumped into this band here, The Easy Star All-Stars version of OK Computer. And i really didn't like it, until i smacked into Karma Police. Holy shivers. Not to be not mentioned, we are not Let Down by the track of the same name.
Kinda like when you first hear Luther Wright & the Wrongs doing Pink Floyd's The Wall*. And they tear into In The Flesh, and you shudder like Ian McShane in Sexy Beast (Also, who doesn't love McShane as Swearengen in "Cocksuckerwood"? And her'e s Mr. Wu's take on everything).


* - the Easy Star's also are somewhat famous for their Dub Side of the Moon project. I think it is, mostly, meh.

p.s. - big ups to the chadfox, who posted up a great concert in SF history. More to come? I hope so!