oh yeah, oh right

Archbishop Desmond Tutu railed against the use of detention centers by the United States. "Whoever imagined that you would hear from America," asked Tutu,"the same arguments for detention without trial that were used by the apartheid government?" John Kiriakou, a former CIA officer who participated in the interrogation of an Al Qaeda terrorist suspect who was waterboarded, conceded that waterboarding was torture but asserted that its use "probably saved lives." President Nicolas Sarkozy welcomed Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi to France on Human Rights Day. Ike Turner died.

from the harpers

beast of bolivia

yes, step right up.

pretty sure this is a photo - right before the surface attack.

Anakin Skywalker: Tell your sister you were right.

What I Heard: Carry your sister for a ride.

stay eager

the following are not my words -

It's amazing that so many people accept the rather dubious notion that the lull in violence in Iraq over the past few months is a result of Bush's troop "surge." The reasons for skepticism are not ideological, as supporters of the occupation charge, but numerical and chronological.
The surge began in February, and there was something approaching a consensus at the time that the addition of about 10-15,000 combat troops -- the rest were support personnel -- would be a drop in the bucket in a country of 25 million people. Retired four-star General Barry McCaffrey said at the time: "I personally think the surge of five U.S. Army brigades and a few Marine battalions dribbled out over five months is a fool's errand." The troop build up continued in March, April and May. What followed was a bloodbath -- June and July were the most violent summer months of any year of the occupation. August was one of the bloodiest months, period.
Then, that month, Muqtada al-Sadr ordered his Mehdi Army to stand down. The reported number of Iraqi civilian deaths fell by about 50% the next month and decreased again in October and yet again last month. The militia is estimated to be 100,000+ strong and is arguably the most powerful ground force in Iraq after the U.S. military. While the change can't be wholly ascribed to any single factor, it's clear from the chronology that al-Sadr's order, not Bush's "surge," is likely responsible for the lion's share of the drop in violence.
It's frustrating and difficult to oppose a war when the mass media is so credulous of the administration's spin.

-Joshua Holland Editor, War on Iraq special coverage [Alternet]

confidential to the dub

didn't we fall for this last time?

Sources:
1. "U.S. Finds Iran Halted Its Nuclear Arms Effort in 2003," New York Times, December 3, 2007.
2. "A Blow to Bush's Tehran Policy," Washington Post, December 4, 2007.
3. "Bush: US Must Remain Vigilant on Iran," Washington Post, December 4, 2007.

full of nothing and yet

Astronomers discovered a one-billion-light-year-wide pocket full of nothing in the sky.

of course

the cat, and the end

Citing Schrodinger's cat, cosmologists speculated that humans' observation of dark matter, beginning in 1998, might bring about the premature destruction of the universe.

~ c/o harpers

sometimes, when i am sick at home, i get curious about these things

see what happens?

i decided to write most of the politicians ruinning (mis-spelling?) for Presidency to following message:

i think the following, pulled from Harpers Weekly, suggests some real issues that voters will respond to.

good luck.

At the third OPEC summit in 47 years, held in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that the price of crude oil could reach $200 a barrel. "The basis of all aggression," said Chavez, "is oil." During a private meeting that was accidentally televised, the oil minister of Venezuela suggested to the oil minister of Iran that OPEC stop using the crippled dollar for pricing;the foreign minister of Saudi Arabia countered that public discussion of the weak dollar would cause U.S. currency to lose value. "Kill the cable!" shouted a security guard as he ran into the meeting room, "Kill the cable!" An economist with financial services firm UBS AG put the odds of a U.S. recession at 45 percent.

my name [redacted]
my email [redacted]

updates, if/when received.

oil vs water

more on this

At the third OPEC summit in 47 years, held in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that the price of crude oil could reach $200 a barrel. "The basis of all aggression," said Chavez, "is oil." During a private meeting that was accidentally televised, the oil minister of Venezuela suggested to the oil minister of Iran that OPEC stop using the crippled dollar for pricing;the foreign minister of Saudi Arabia countered that public discussion of the weak dollar would cause U.S. currency to lose value. "Kill the cable!" shouted a security guard as he ran into the meeting room, "Kill the cable!" An economist with financial services firm UBS AG put the odds of a U.S. recession at 45 percent.

you love harpers, too.

slow on the [re]uptake [inhibitor]

the nets fooled me again.
so maybe i been working at my job, and dealing with the stuff of life, but damn internets, you shouldn't have held me back from:

Ronald Jenkees - just a guy who is marketing himself, perhaps, but still good music. funny. entertaining. might buy me one. and, fwiw, i kinda like the savantish act, controversy aside.

the sound of one gunshot (bed hunting)

the dr. and i decided to get a new bed recently.
we started shopping, only to realize that this adventure is much like buying a car. Fook.

so we head out, visiting the circuit of bed shops on Van Ness Avenue. it seems silly to tell you that there are three bed shops within two blocks of each other, and they are very, very similar.

Sleeptrain - the scent of musk.
Mancini's - some guy who only acknowledged us as we walked out the door.
Mattress Discounters - wait, what's different here? oh, no scent of musk.

IMHO - turns out that mancini's is just worthless. a $15k bed? what? what? i can't hear you over the sound of that one gunshot.

Sleeptrain and Mattress Discounters are the same deal - the only discernible difference is that one lets you try a bed for 60 days, the other one 90 days.

we're getting one from a discount outlet on 9th street. seriously, we almost bought a tempur pedic. but then we read this article - and realized that maybe we should buy a bed for $2k sometime. just not now. thank you Restonic.

Confidential to Restonic - your website blows in a serious fashion. work it out, doobs.

not sure about the open shirt

but it's amusing anyway -


found here - via blogrush

it's called vajayjay; euros need not apply

Rapper Jay-Z was flashing euros in a recent video, and supermodel Gisele Bundchen was refusing to accept payment in dollars. are these items unrelated?

and!

The New York Times Style section published a feature on the rise of the term "vajayjay" to describe female genitalia. "The reason that vajayjay has caught on, I think, is because there is a black--Southern especially--naming tradition, which is to have names like Ray Ray and Boo Boo and things like that," said John H. McWhorter, a linguist at the Manhattan Institute. "It sounds warm and familiar and it almost makes the vagina feel like a little cartoon character with eyes that walks around."

yes of course it is from them!

doppelganger

the dr and I know this couple (our associates cornelius and davinci*) who were travelling home recently on their motorcycle. they saw someone who fit the physical description of the dr., and when they called out to her by first name, the person turned and said hello. then cornelius and davinci proceeded to have a small (2 or so minutes) conversation with this person who answered to the dr's name, and looked enough like her to confuse our associates.

it wasn't until after they bade each other good night that they realized that it was not, in fact, the doctor. "sure, it sorta looked like her, but not really...and what the fook was she talking about?" they mused to each other. our associates then contacted us, and relayed said story.

so i googled the contents of the conversation to figure out who this person might be. and wrote her an email. i hope she doesn't freak out.

updates as they happen.


update 1 - the woman i emailed is NOT the person cornelius and davinci bumped into. but we're inviting this person out to a beer, as she is as intrigued as we all are about this.






* - i wish these were their names

scottish

some strange news from Scotland -
a Scottish man was placed on a sex offenders registry for raping a bicycle. Another Scottish man was sentenced to five years in jail for smothering his 76-year-old mother with a pillow not long after she told him he was a failure who could not even kill himself properly. "I woke up," the man told police, "and just decided to do it." [ed. - got something right]
you know where

writing

an open letter to Beer, from me, in the style of Dubble-u (previously referred here as Dub; rub a dub dub);

Dear Beer,
I am gonna git ya.

collective duh resonation

Companies Seeking Immunity Donate to Senator
DUH
Eric Lichtblau and Scott Shane of The New York Times report: "Executives at the two biggest phone companies contributed more than $42,000 in political donations to Senator John D. Rockefeller IV this year while seeking his support for legal immunity for businesses participating in National Security Agency eavesdropping."

john mclaughlin?

HeARt popPERS

Bo Ward, the proprietor of a barbershop near the Army's Fort Campbell, committed suicide at a town meeting in Clarksville, Tennessee. Ward had requested that his home be rezoned as a commercial property to increase its value and to offset the losses he suffered when most of his regular patrons, among them General David Petraeus, were deployed to Iraq; the City Council refused. "Y'all have put me under," said the barber before inserting a pistol into his mouth. "I'm out of here."

Two thirds of American CEOs, a study found, think that American CEOs are overpaid.

BB KING

thor

i like this.

i like the response - "We recognize that there is room for improvement and that even one bad customer experience is one too many. It is our goal to continue bringing customers in Northern Virginia the most advanced products and services we offer ... and to ensure that they have a great experience at every touchpoint."

UPDATE - woman now titled hero.

"For now, in other words, being an active liberal means being a progressive. And being a progressive means being partisan. But the end goal isn't one-party rule. It's the re-establishment of a truly vital, competitive democracy. For in the end, democracy is what being liberal is all about."

- Paul Krugman

Ignoranus Neologisms

Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

how now GOP cow?

am i on the crack?

In Iowa, Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson continued to attest to the existence of WMDs in Iraq. "We can't forget the fact that although at a particular point in time we never found any WMD down there, [Saddam Hussein] clearly had had WMD," he said; Thompson ended his speech by asking for applause.

Republican Senator Larry Craig was selected for induction into the Idaho Hall of Fame and announced that he would not resign from the Senate, despite being denied his request to withdraw his guilty plea of disorderly conduct resulting from a sex sting at an airport men's room.

i'll have the turkey

so maybe i haven't been paying attention, but it seems like Turkey and Iraq have a border problem similar to the problem AmuuuRica (USA) has with the Pakistan/Afghanistan border, and really all not that different (but different enough) with Iraq/Iran border.

wouldn't you think those American's might work on the border disputes? maybe have this figured out? maybe figure out other border problems?

danger doom.

rowr

sfist comes thru again.
and pull a punch? eyeglass shiv?
wow.

i'll have the fish?

There were reports of a restaurant in Tokyo where patrons could rape an animal before eating it. "When people have got money and done everything else," said a lawyer who'd had the pork, "they turn toward bestiality." - from

update - 10/5/2007 - not true?

live poker blog

you have nothing better to do, right?
should be entertaining.

debt collection phone messages

so i got this computerized phone message for G L O R I A (as the computer spelled out the name, apparently the computer can't say the name) - trying to collect some Tom Petty Song Them Song Van Morrison Song debts from someone i haven't heard of [G L O R I A].

which reminded me of this moment at the Tom Petty concerts at the Fillmore, where he played some 20 or something shows on sequential nights. and they did that song, and it was good. and my friend who was with me had this crappy little cassette recorder, and he taped the show. didn't come out right, but
G L O R I A came out beautiful; me-recalls.

so at the end of this message, the computer says something to the effect of "If this is not you, please disregard this message". Curious.

ironic reminiscence

First, an observation. Our nation is based upon the proposition that our statutes, common law and the Constitution will not only be applied fairly between litigants, but will also be observed by the government. People will be able to rely upon the rules, usually long established, and their consistent application. This engenders respect for the law. It is a sad irony that a nation that is so dedicated to the rule of law is doing so much to undermine the respect for it. - Fred Thompson to Council for National Policy

Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson, an outspoken advocate of Cuban sanctions, defended his large collection of Cuban cigars. "You know," he said, "if it's good, I smoke it." - as reported by harpers

I suppose i should remind Fred not to inhale his own smoke.

Bart and deeze nuts

thoughts on riding BART today:
was riding BART today, and remained totally entertained by a few things.

first i saw this ad campaign, and under the little fella was the caption "coming out all over San Francisco". Wow.

i took a pic of it on my phone, but can't get that pic off yet (have to figure that out still).

then a fella (who I'll describe as a wicked combination of Denis Leary (weird Halo version!), a 12 stepper recovering guy, and a jet skiers screaming malt liquored fueled voice (Sammy Hagar). He was screaming into his cell phone, which is always a treat on the bart.

i'll attempt to recreate his terrific phone conversation (reminder, this entire conversation vocalized as if the character of Bob Freber, Adrian Cronauer's make believe character, in the artillery, from 'Good Morning Vietnam', come to life [anything, just play it loud, ok?]):

Yeah!
Happy Birthday!
You awake yet? (8 am)
I'm on BART! I'm going into a tunnel! I might lose you.
A tunnel!
Yeah, I'm on BART!
I'm going home!
I'm on BART!
I'm going into a tunnel!
I might lose you.
Yeah! So happy Birthday!
Hello?
(almost impossibly louder) Hello?

::tunnel ends::

Ring-Ring.

HELLO?
Yeah, I'm on BART!
A Tunnel!

(Repeat)
I'm on the BART!

::Repeat until I depart::

banking

so ignore that this woman is a hippie. or whatever you call them.

soon i'm going from these guys to these doobs.

New place beats the rates at the old place, and no ATM fees? duh.

things i'm doing

working on my blog.
yes, this one.

working on a small business.
need to figure out business plans, patents, and graphic design, as well as production and marketing.

voting on my blog ------>

wearing as few trousers as possible on a long weekend. gardening, motorcycling, watching movies, managing my job and employees, eating, enjoying sunshine and beer, trying to relax.

probably missing out on stuff, as well. the life that happens.

mother, farms, prison, trucks, trains, christmas, and dead dogs.

ever since the dog got drunk and died, and momma went to prison
why nothing on this farm has ever been the same.
you know when mom broke out last christmas
get drove an old getaway laundry truck right into a train.

harpers loves you:

Two bears at the Belgrade Zoo, Masha and Misha, spent the
annual beer-festival weekend feasting on a 23-year-old
Serb, who was discovered naked, dead, and half-eaten in
their cage. "Only an idiot," said zoo director Vuk
Bojovic, "would jump into the bear cage."
Melting ice in the Arctic revealed previously unknown islands that have
yet to be claimed.

and finally, you might be able to find me at the Broken Record - 

1166 Geneva Ave
(between Edinburgh St & Naples St)
San Francisco, CA 94112

(415) 963-1713

Holy shit it's finally here...  After what seems like years my lazy ass
is finally sending out these emails.  So, if you are on this list you
probably know that the Broken Record Bar and Grill is hosting beer pong
tournaments on Sunday afternoons.  Teems of two people will compete
against each other in a bracket style single elimenation tournament
untill a winner for that day is declaired.  The overall winner of the
tournaments will be sent to Las Vegas, Nevada to represent the bar in the World Series of Beer Pong.  The rules of the sunday Broken Record tournaments will remain consistant with the rules played at the World Series whenever possible.  To see a full list of rules follow the link to
http://www.bpong.com/wsobp/ii/rulesandregs/
and click on "full rules".   Official tournaments will be played every
other sunday and alternate sundays will be open for practice, singles
play, alternate rules, shit talking etc...  For now the cheapest way to
play beer pong is for both teems to split a pitcher of pabst.  This
brings the cost to 2$ per person per game.  This will continue untill a
general entry fee is instated.  For now, the tables, cups and balls are
all on the house.  So find a partner, pick a team name and come to the
broken record sunday afternoon.  Signups start at 2pm and game play
starts whenever we have enough teems to make it fun.  Dont forget, it's
just a game people....  lets have fun and get sour.

dr makes a blog request

Perhaps this would interest your blog? It's a medical case study from India.

___________________________________________________________
Indian J Chest Dis Allied Sci. 2004 Jan-Mar;46(1):55-8.Links
Accidental condom inhalation.
Arya CL, Gupta R, Arora VK.

Jaswant Rai Speciality Hospital, Meerut, India.

A 27-year-old lady presented with persistent cough, sputum and fever for the preceding six months. Inspite of trials with antibiotics and anti-tuberculosis treatment for the preceeding four months, her symptoms did not improve. A subsequent chest radiograph showed non-homogeneous collapse-consolidation of right upper lobe. Videobronchoscopy revealed an inverted bag like structure in right upper lobe bronchus and rigid bronchoscopic removal with biopsy forceps confirmed the presence of a condom. Detailed retrospective history also confirmed accidental inhalation of the condom during fellatio.

PMID: 14870871 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

Xantian The Insane

i didn't but i sorted wish i did...all i did was read it (and copy it)

Free Pair Prosthetic Arms
Reply to: sale-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-20, 3:45PM PDT

One right one left, good condition. All you have to do is come pick them up.


i'm laughing, i'm laughing.

changing my ways

You got effed in the ay!

I Taught Your Boyfriend That Thing You Like

Sticking Feathers Up Your Butt Does Not Make You a Chicken
That's Bullshit, Because I'm Still Coughing

"Playtime is over!"

this is a test, if this were a real post, i would have linked something.

handheld

you may have noticed that i recently added some changes to thedailychuppler. i was tired of the same template i was using, and i was really curious to see if the other addition could capture the essence of what i go on about here.
so far, they haven't.

in other news, i went for a long walk with the dr last night, in a quest for dinner. we dropped by the mini golf course in hayes valley. i am proposing an open mini golf tournie on 9/1. anyone care to join?

also we ate at Borgo, the place on the corner of fell and laguna, where i sped by during the early years of my residence in eS-eF. the food was average, but better than i expected. and the place really fills up with peoples. i'd be willing to give it another shot, as the salad we had was awesome, but my carbonara was meh.

as we sat in the (pretty cool) wooden booth at the window on the corner of fell n laguna, i recalled to the dr how i used to take that freeway corner at 60 and blast past the borgo at 50 mph up the hill towards the panhandle. i'm very nostalgic for that time, and yet i don't miss that freeway at all, now that i don't live on that side anymore (also, nevermore). but don't let it not be said that i like octavia blvd. i realize it is/was a political decision, but still am not enamored by it (but i do like patricia park, and even miss those b-man structures in the beginning).
and so here is that structure.
have a great day, and take the new poll.

i continue to dominate in sheer volume of posts lately. esp over esteban, anyhow.

how weird is it when you meet someone at a bar who you may have known as a junior high student? 3 outta 5 for weird, methinks.


do not try this game. it will eat your soul. good zombie game here... is there more fun than the chainsaw? maybe the chainsaw in the castro...

lying on my back....somewhere

what? Harj strikes again!

i am freaking baffled.

also, i am freaking pleased.

i am freaking interested.

wow

simply amazing.

not me me me, but meme (and damn you jamie)

also, this, of import to me: (from Harpers [I heart you Harpers]
What follows is an excerpt from The Shadow Factory, the aphasic memoir Paul dictated with such struggle and resolve, “forcing language back on itself.” In it, he recalls life in the hospital’s rehab unit, what he felt and thought, and explores some of the all-too-real tricks the mind plays to save itself from the tomb of lost words.

— DIANE ACKERMAN

“Bosh,” one hears you exclaim, “this man is writing about nothing!” But is he? It could be that he is writing about something somebody said to him after he had regained his senses, or that he regained these senses for himself, and detected shreds of rabbit fluff here and there. Imagine a man coming round after five days in the human tank that denatures us all and finds no memory worth talking about. I suspected as much from my 10-day immersion in whatever I was immersed in.

read the rest, here

not so sure about this...

My personalDNA Report



but really am enjoying this.

putting the ASS in passive

while I have had my share of passive aggressive notes from both work and my neighbors at home, neither of these notes are from/for me.
BTW - if you ever 'helpfully' ruin something for me at my job (like our A/C friend back there), consider that an act of open warfare, and your job will become incrementally harder for all eternity (or until you quit).

harpers

you know you love it ~
i suppose i shouldn't be surprised, but i didn't know this insurance product existed...

Over 500 victims of clergy sexual abuse settled their claims with the Archdiocese of Los Angeles for $660 million; the Archdiocese is expected to sell up to 50 church properties to raise funds, as many of the cases date from periods when it had little or no sexual-abuse insurance.

in other news, spiral jetty.

a couple of vids for you

this one, from slovamskey:


and this awesome thriller video. maybe i'm late to the party on both, but damn funny:

yes. it's that time

to my friend, Este (who stubbornly refuses to write):

[stolen from harpers]

and in England, gingerists, or people with a bias against red hair, were subjecting the auburn-headed to slurs like “you ginger bastard” or “you right ginger whinger.” The Internet's storehouse of wisdom, information, and pornographic images was determined to weigh 0.2 millionths of an ounce.

Also, if you can't find me this week, there is a really good reason.

Salmo yeehaw!

finally, maybe i should be watching this show (thanks peebs):
Bubbles: Do you want to see a rocket go, Randy?
Randy: Does it really launch, Bubbles?
Bubbles: [rhetorically] Does it really launch? Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?

[Ricky goes over the department store's public address system]
Ricky: Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck-off department. Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck-off department and hurry the fuck up!

P.S. - This just IN ~

headphones

wear yo headphones. now press here.
see?
stereophonic, bitches.
i whisper you the code.

in otehr news; an open letter to:
Americas Test Kitchen -
How can you do this to me?
How is it that you send me weekly email to join your 'sister' site, and hide the recipes that i paid good money for behind the sister site and then ask me to pay, again, for the use of these recipes?
is it because you believe somehow i give a shit about a 'free microplane grater'? the answer to that question, and many other unrelated questions, is NO.

In final-ment, some harpers -

Jerry Falwell died. "Dr. Falwell," said
Senator John McCain, "was a man of distinguished
accomplishment."

remember that in '08.

get yo harpers on (Or Works to Worse)

Ya'll remember when Ralph Nader ran for president? I'm paraphrasing
here, but he mentioned that in order for the political system and
the nation in general to become something that actually works, "it
would have to get a lot worse before it gets better".

You think this is what he meant (via harpers):

The Republican candidates for the presidency debated at the
Ronald Reagan Library in California. 
* - Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas said that the day Roe v.
Wade was repealed would be "a glorious day of human liberty
and freedom" and that the current tax system "ought to be
taken behind a barn and killed with a dull ax"; 
* - Senator John McCain of Arizona claimed that he would
"follow [Osama bin Laden ] to the gates of hell"; 
* - Texas Congressman Ron Paul said that not going to war in
Iraq would have been "conservative," because "it's a
Republican, it's pro-American, it follows the Founding Fathers.
And besides, it  follows the Constitution." 
* - California Congressman Duncan Hunter took responsibility
for the border fence in San Diego. "It's a double fence," he said.
"It's not that little straggly fence you see on CNN  with
everybody getting over it." 
* - "No one on this stage," said former Arkansas governor Mike
Huckabee, "probably knows Hillary Clinton better than I do,"
to which former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani replied:
"Oh my!" 

Collectively, the candidates invoked Reagan's name nearly 20
times. It was announced that Reagan's diaries would be published. 

"Getting shot," he wrote in 1981, "hurts."

damn you Beck

damn you and your new album, and your damn good song, which has been playing constantly up in my grill.
your damn puppets, too.

taking Amtrak to Nigeria

You say Take the train?

You ever sit around your apartment, and think of taking the train to go see your friend in LA, or Portland? Well, there is a problem. Amtrak's California service is a freaking joke.

The problem is more than just here in the west, the entire system is being manipulated in all sorts of ways. This guy here is advocating privatization, which I am not sure about, but do agree that by hiring lobbyists the public would finally hear something about the problem.

In other news, let's all take the Amtrak to Nigeria! Here are the conductors! Yippeee!

In other other news, Hey Este, let's "Get Happy"....

who hearts Harpers?

in Baghdad, a U.S. congressional delegation outfitted with bulletproof vests, flanked by 100 soldiers in armored Humvees, and watched over by attack helicopters, visited a local bazaar to demonstrate the success of the current security plan. It was, said Representative Mike Pence (R., Ind.), just like an "outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime."

Actual Outdoor market in Indiana:




Are those gunships? 
Oh. 
No, those are trees.





RNC hopeful John McCain at the
so called "Indiana like market":

Time Ghost, the best bar in the citay

this point is not open to debate (p.s. - FOAD Yelp).

Zeitgeist, hands down, is the best bar in the city.

BUT, I was there last night, and I have disturbing news to report...

I ordered a cheee-burger and they asked me for my name (standard fare) and then -

the guy asked me for my cell phone number.

After I recovered (and thank you kind housewife who beat me with a 2x4 until I came to my senses [and why are both the pictures I used {found} of women being electrocuted? WEIRD!]) :














Anyway, when they called me (on my phone) to tell me my chee-burger was ready, I discussed the "new technique" of being called to pick up your food.

I told the gentleman [for he had recently thrown a woman outta the bar after catching her attempting to "steal" my food, a true gentleman] that I thought the new procedure was weird.

He replied, "It works, right?"
I said yes.
I said "It still feels weird".
He replied, again, "But it works, right?"

This case is NOT closed.

MORE - maybe they are gonna move to this? Dammit I'm proud of me!

not so thin lizzie

you ever google yourself?
just trying to follow some advice, and i ran across a sweet gem from a former job.

That is some sweet example of my writing skilz. I musta been hungover and listening to the supersuckers. thanks eddie.

i love harpers

Ya'll read Harpers Weekly?

one of my favorite weekly reading email deliveries; and then this little meanie showed up in my inbox:

The statement "In New York City, someone stole the penis of a
chocolate Jesus" is not true; the source was a satire website that was
mistakenly thought to be a genuine news source. Harper's Weekly
apologizes for the error.

How can you make that up? just terrific Harper's. Good job! I haven't laughed harder yet today. You have won a small pittance of a gift, which I'll keep in my front coin pocket on my jeans.

EXTRA MORE:
I just ran across these fine gems. I know ya'll enjoy 'em.

SUPER EXTRA MORE: HERE

my f(r)iend Lex

Joel (aka Lexington O. Lexington) is choosing to move to a new home uppin PDX land...as sad as this is to take, I can understand and some of those people I read (here come the shout outs) are all talking about how hard it is to live here in SF.

Sheesh, everybody knows the dice are loaded. it's hard to be a pimp out here.

anyway, i'll be celebrating the Joel Festivus at Zeitgeist on 3/31 at Noon or so. Come by and hoist one for our buddy Lex.

i got sealab-ed

my friend, zesty, sealab-ed me.
what is getting "Sealab-ed" you may ask?

lookie here.

ya see, sometime, in some bar, somewhere Esteban, Ian and I may have been consuming mass quantities. and we came up with the nickname 'Alan'. for everyone. I was Alan, Este was Alan, Ian was Alan, the bartender was Alan. It was a funny moment. the joke continues to this day...

Anyway, here is the inspiration behind my sealabbery:

everybody's got one!

Asshole list!

Also, i took a new job at a non profit in Berkeley. but enough about that.

i walk around an awful lot (aspect of the job, and i like that) between the different spaces the organization occupies. and I walk on city streets, in downtown Berkeley. which is usually pretty interesting.
A little background - I have mixed feelings about handing out money on the street to homeless peeps (I don't think I am alone on this). Usually I am more open to giving if said street type personage is doing something to earn money, like juggling or singing (entertaining). Maybe this makes me an asshole, but not like that list above.

SIDEBAR, ATTACK! Hell, the juggling guy was really good. He got tips from me every time I went by. And he would buy things to juggle with the money he made juggling. Reinvestment capital! Beeeutiful! American-ski dream! I wonder how his accountant handled that deduction...?

So there is this street musician playing what i think is Erhu. But this street musician is playing poorly. Real bad. It doesn't take much, I suppose, for my western ears to not know what is close to good Erhu, like i would know close to good guitar, for instance.

Here is what it should sound like.

Anyway, i don't know what to tell you, other than i now walk around the block to the other location.

Also, i was talking to my friend on my cell phone outside on the curb the other night, when a person of homeless persuasion approached me and insisted upon interrupting me. After a while i relented, and asked him what he wanted. "2 Dollars! Give me two dollars!" I declined this less than gracious technique, and he muttered "Feck you!" at me. I must confess, the conversation didn't become an open and honest dialog after that line. I fear he and I may never speak again.

buying a car - best quotes

been a while since last post - blah blah...

Anyway, bought a new car (new to us) the other day, been in the hunt since early December, got a few favorite memorable quotes/stories/songs that became to funny not to share with ya'll. The car we bought is at the bottom.

Back story -
We were interested in the (oh so popular) sport wagons. Our 1990 Camry was slowing dying, and we had recently been presented a bill to get her back to normal that was 2 to 3 times her value. Time to head to the dealerships. A recap of our conversations below.

SG = Sales Guy
US = Duh.

The Mitsubishi (or, "Gimpin in the rain")
So we went to drive the Lancer, as I have had a lot of fun watching Evo's tearing up courses throughout the southwestern US. I thought "I bet they are putting some of that great EVO technology into the base Lancer." This was an incorrect assumption. Drove 'meh'. Like that rental you get and say, "well, its a rental" with a disappointing sigh. I'm getting ahead of myself.
We get to the dealership, and no one is there. we are wandering around the showroom, upstairs, looking in all the offices which are abandoned. 5 minutes after we walk in there a guy with a broken umbrella and a rain soaked jacket opens the door, and yells "Is somebody in here?"
I'm ask him "You got any Lancers here in the showroom, here?" He answers, "No" after pointedly looking around at the 3 cars in there, and says "They're all outside". Where it is raining. I became salty at this point, and say, "Well, would you go and look at what you have out there?". He goes. He's dragging his foot. In the rain. You might call it a gimpy leg/foot. It's raining. He is officially Gimpin' in the rain. Cue Gene.

Later - after driving the unimpressive Lancer we get this gem:
SG: So, what is it gonna take to get you into this car today?
US: (Dumbfounded, moment of silence) Wow, you actually said it!

And yet later, after driving the Dodge Caliber (which I liked, but the Doc said she didn't like the admittedly enormous dashboard) we got it again:
SG: So, what is it gonna take to get you into this car today?
US: (Less dumbfounded, still, a moment of silence) Still a good line!

The Honda -
Sadly, not a very quote worthy fella. The Doc says this was her favorite salesman. Too bad he didn't have a car we wanted to buy.

SG: Hi, I'm a nice guy.

The Toyota (also known as the winner) -
1st dealership

US: Here's our (lowball) offer.
SG: No.
US: Ok, thanks. We'll be leaving (make like walkin')
SG: Bye.
US: Oh...(start real walking)

2nd Toyota dealership

US: What do you drive?
SG: Actually, I drive a Sienna.
US: Oh, do you like it?
SG: No, it sucks. I got a big family, tho.
(Note - this conversation happened directly after i put the car in 6th gear thruff the Macarthur Tunnel under the Presidio)
Later, after we lowballed the 2nd dealer-
SG: Ok, well I'll get my kneepads out to go and beg my boss.

The Mazda (or we didn't make it to the Mazda dealership) - short story.

Finally, the winner - (this is the closest approximation i could get to what ours looks like)